Updated: Apr 19, 2021
Dear Premmie Mum,
I hope this letter helps you feel less alone on your journey through Premmie motherhood.
Firstly, congratulations on the birth of your baby and a big warm welcome to the 'Premmie Mum Club'. I myself became a member 8 years ago.
I don't know how you became a member of the club and you perhaps don't know either. Without knowing your particular circumstances I can't guarantee that everything will be fine. I really hope it will be though and I want you to know that I see you. I feel your pain.
You might be feeling, amongst other things, a massive failure right now. You are not. You are far from it. You are a warrior and in the eyes of your baby a real hero. You are, quite simply absolutely amazing.
You are amazing for sitting by your baby's incubator day in, day out, not sleeping while the baby is sleeping and learning how to change a nappy in an incubator.
You are amazing for not giving up, for carrying on while so inexplicably exhausted, for getting stuck in with your babies cares so that you can feel like a proper mum.
You are amazing for saying goodbye each night and returning home without your baby.
You are amazing for pumping milk for your baby throughout the night without them there.
You might be feeling guilty. Something that you have in common with non premmie mums. You see, Mum Guilt happens to all mums and while this guilt is colossal on the Mum Guilt scale, it is very normal. Do not let it consume you though.
You might be crying an ocean. Know in time that the ocean will become a river, the river will become a stream and the stream will eventually dry out. You are so much braver then you think.
You might be feeling lonely. Take a look around you. There are other mums just like you. Don't be afraid to say hi. Some of the best friendships have happened while prem babies have been doing their time.
You might be feeling worried. I mean, why wouldn't you be? Just take each day as it comes and take positives from even the smallest of improvements.
You may feel like this roller coaster will never stop. It will, I can guarantee that.
You might be feeling absolutely exhausted. It is so important to make sure that you eat well, drink plenty of water and take regular breaks throughout the day to grab some fresh air and have a change of scenery.
When the time comes to take your baby home, you might feel scared in amongst the excitement.
Not having a baby hooked up to monitors is quite daunting but you will soon stop missing the constant beeping and number watching and be enjoying cuddles wire free.
You may think it will all be ok once you are home, to begin with this might be true but it might take weeks, it might take months, it might even take years but all you have been through might take its toll.
You might find the Black Dog comes knocking and you might find you develop terrible anxiety. This is nothing to be ashamed about so please, please make sure you reach out to your loved ones, doctor or some of the organisations I have listed below. You are not alone.
You will never 'get over' what has happened but as they say, time is a great healer and you will be able to look back and see just how courageous you are.
Keep going Mumma, you can do this!
With much love,
A fellow Premmie Mum Club member xxx
For more help and support please take a look at the following charities:
Bliss: Click here
Tommy's: Click here
Pandas: Click here